2 down, 4 to go :)

My second infusion today went a lot better than last time. Pretty, I wasn't so scared, panicked & angry about it. They were backed up from Christmas & New Year, so we stayed for about 4 hours. Even though we were there longer, it went a lot faster.

I applied for my citizenship in June 2007, 18 months ago, and finally got my interview next Monday. Luckily for me, no doctor appointment that day :) Steve helped me practice for my citizenship test while we were sitting through chemo. I think I'll pass!

Before chemo was over, I got my lab test back for my blood count and it all still looks great. No need to go back tomorrow for the Neulasta shot that helps boost the White Blood Count (WBC). I was so thankful about that as it supposedly creates lots of body aches and joint pains through your body. I guess it pays some to be young going through this. My WBC did go down some from last treatment, but still in great shape and it probably is normal for it to fluctuate some. We'll see what happens next time.

I managed to drink plenty of fluid today, water is finally tasting good again but I am expecting to go back to distilled water next week-end. It does help to know what I have to look forward to over the next 3 weeks. I'm getting ready to go to night and say goodbye to my taste buds that should be gone in the morning. I'm sad, they've only been back for about 5 days... Ah, but I did get to enjoy my Christmas dinner, isn't it what I said was the only thing I wanted for Christmas :)

Day 21

My body has officially recovered from my first chemo treatment, which would be why I'll be knocking it down again tomorrow for round #2!

This past week has been great. I finally got back my energy and was able to enjoy Christmas with my family. I even managed to enjoy my Christmas dinner :) My taste buds were sloooowly coming back, sadly they'll be leaving again tomorrow.

The American Cancer Society has a program called Look Good Feel Better. I went last week-end and learn how to apply make-up properly. I've never been a make-up girl but now that my hair are gone, it's nice to know how to do it right. I came home with a nice bag of goodies, plenty of make-up and facial product from major companies, plenty to keep me looking good until my hair grow back.

I'm getting used to being bald, I'm really bald right now, stubbles are mostly gone. Wearing scarves is still sensitive on my head, I can only handle them for so long, I mostly go bald around the house. Steve & the boys are used to it now.

I have managed to stay healthy through my first cycle, which I found pretty amazing. Jerome dealt with a nasty cold followed with a quick stomach bug that he passed on to Felix a few days later! We got sanitary masks that they have been wearing when they're sick and I've been staying away from them which is very difficult as I like to cuddle with them when they don't feel good.

All in all, this was a good week for me. Getting ready for round #2.

Going, going... GONE!

As I said, the hair started falling on Friday. I still had hope that maybe, just maybe, my hair were only thinning. When I got in the shower, I figured out that they were NOT only thinning, they were just falling by the handful, had I stayed in there longer, I probably would have been able to pull them all. My scalp was also becoming extremely sensitive, it was time for them to go :(

I decided to get the boys involved in the process. I thought it might make it easier for them to see me bald if they were the ones making me bald! Also, for my own sake, I thought maybe it would be less stressful for me if I was making it into a fun event. It worked, although I wasn't expecting the boys to be so willing to cut their Mommy's hair and having so much fun at the same time. We got the scissors & clippers out and of course the camera, I'm sure they won't remember it as they get older. I did have fear that it would scare them but took my chances. When we all got done and became bald, Felix's first words were "Mommy, I don't think you that pretty with no hair!" Well, I don't think I look all that bad, but it is COLD being bald in the Winter.

I am so glad it's done. The closer I got to be loosing my hair, the more I was panicking over it. I was quite panicked sitting in that chair and became very scared to look at myself when we got done. But I did and was quite amazed at the power we give to our own hair. I feel so much better and happier now, all I have to do is concentrate on finishing the chemo and radiations.

This past week has been a lot easier, but I sure wish my taste buds would come back. I was expecting them to be back on Monday, well, it's Sunday and nothing. This has to be the worse side effect of the chemo. I love Christmas time for all the good food that we eat and only eat THIS time of year. I haven't had any yet and it's quite depressing. I have lost complete interest in eating. The only food I can taste right now are bananas and coconut. Meat isn't very appealing, I'm trying my best to eat it, I do need the protein and it is better than those protein drinks! All I want for Christmas is a tasty Christmas dinner.

Well, here's pictures of my hair buzzing event!

Day 12

I woke up this morning and ran my hand in my hair, as usual, and it started coming out! I was not expecting it, not that soon. The women I've been in contact with are all loosing on Day 14. I know, it's just 2 days, but 2 days is a lot when you're in denial! I know they're going, but I still don't have the guts to just shave. Right now, it's just shedding, no clumps yet.

Otherwise, it's been a fairly good week. My pains & aches are about gone. I still get fatigued quicker and my taste, well that's plain GONE! Most people talk about it coming back about a week into the treatment, I'm not sure if I should be expecting mine at all before it's all over. We went to a dietician yesterday and she gave me the ok to drink as many milkshakes as I want :) She did tell me to add protein powder to it so that they would be slightly more nutritionous. Otherwise, she wasn't that helpful. I was looking to find out EXACT food to eat or avoid and she gaves more of a general idea, like getting on a low fat diet.

I did go to the doctor for my earache, she said no infection. Altough Jerome does have a bad cold and she gave me a few masks that he has been wearing to protect his mommy from getting sick. He's such a good sport :)

Now just trying to get ready for Christmas!

Day 8

The past few days since my last update have been a real roller coaster. The bulk of the pain has stopped, but my taste is still missing. I still get tired when I try to get too much done. Saturday was nice, we took the boys to Dutch Wonderland. It was great to go outside in the cold with no pain and no fatigue, I was amazed. It was also great for the boys to go out and have fun for a few hours. Although I found out on Saturday night that I could no longer tolerate plain water, the taste just became horrible. My kids thinks I'm nut saying "Mommy water doesn't taste anything!"

We have very kind friends that surprised us with baskets of goodies & Christmas gifts for the boys on Sunday afternoon. It was a very nice diversion for all of us and the boys had a great time. They weren't quite sure what to think of it all, but it was fun. It is so nice to be surrounded by people that loves us and support us in so many ways.

While we had a good time on Sunday, it was also a rough day, everything I tried drinking tasted bad and the only thing I could handle drinking was milkshakes! The problem is that I'm supposed to be getting between 2-3 quarts of fluids per day, that is a minimum of half a gallon! So I took a small trip to the grocery store this afternoon, the poor cashier must have thought I was crazy. I bought just about every different kind of juice that is out there, including Popsicles & extra ice cream since I know the milkshakes works. I ended spending $70 in juice! So far it's not looking to good, I tried 2 and cannot tolerate neither. I'll be having happy kids for the next few weeks, we're water drinker and don't typically have juice in our house, so whatever doesn't work for me, they'll be drinking! I tried distilled water, which at first thought was great (read drinkable!) but now that I'm trying to finish my cup as I type, it's tasting worse & worse. Still drinkable, but looks like it won't be long before it hits the no list. My taste buds acting up is becoming very difficult to handle, I'm starting to think that I'd be happier with nausea.

I just found about what they call the nadir. Nadir is the point during your treatment where your blood count is at it's lowest, meaning the time where you're most likely to get an infection or get sick and when I really need to stay away from people with colds. With Taxotere, nadir is day 5-9 and with Cytoxan, nadir is day 10-14. I was assuming that chemo would get you at the lowest the day of treatment then you would slowly get better until they knocked you down again. No!

So I'm glad I found that information.

Well, today is day 8 and both of my children have a cold. I'm trying to stay away from them, they're being so good and understand that I can only do hugs and no kisses, but it's hard on me too. I've had a bad ear ache all day and fear an infection, so I'll have to call in tomorrow to be sure. I need to get some surgical masks, I'll get some pink ones so that they don't look as bad ;)

Otherwise today was a good day. I'm heading to bed and hoping for a full night sleep, these are hard to find these days.

Day 4

Today was much better. Well... I didn't get any sleep last night, I found out the hard way that chemo and pre-menopausal woman aren't a good mix for a few days out of the month ;) I think most of my pains & aches were due to that fact yesterday, therefore I do have high hopes for my next cycle that my body won't be aching so much. Here's why; chemo usually puts pre-menopausal women into "chemopause", a menopause induced by chemo. That would be FANTASTIC! Then I would only be dealing with chemo. I'm sure y'all were so happy to find out about that part of my day!

My taste is still off, but I'm slowly discovering foods that I can enjoy a little, like banana milk shakes :) Oddly, I couldn't taste the cinnamon I sprinkled on it, but it made it taste better. It does have some bonuses, I've never been a big fan of cooked vegetables, but since I can't taste them, they don't bother me, so I actually get to eat healthier.

Still tired, but I'm getting more energy at times. But I'm scared to take naps since I'm having trouble sleeping at night.

I had to write a newest update, my last one was pretty depressing, but the past 3 days have been rough. Tomorrow should be better.

Last, I do fear for my poor hair, I think they'll be going :( I've been in denial that I was going to lose my hair since the oncology nurse told us that I had about 30% chances of keeping my hair. I have avoided cutting them shorter, but it will happen soon. My head started itching & burning this morning, the hair wants to go....

Tough Day!

Side effects decided to kick in today! First, my taste is off. A lot of woman have been complaining about this and I was hoping it would happen to me as we like to eat, but I started my breakfast this morning finding out that my peanut butter just didn't taste quite right. Than onto the soup at lunch, still not right. I went out to run a few errands this afternoon, and forgot my water home. My mouth has been extremely dry making easier to drink all the water I'm supposed to. Well, this time of year, there isn't too many readily available juicy fruits out there, my best bet was the big bag of very appetising bright red apple. Yeah, didn't taste right either. Moved on with dinner, same here, tried this dish that the boys told me was very good & sweet. If it wasn't for them, I wouldn't have know it was sweet at all! All my hopes were in that brownie, that had to be good, right? It wasn't bad, nor was it good, but the texture was perfect. The weirdest thing though was the fact that I couldn't taste how good it was but yet my body knew it as it wanted another piece!

That aside, my little trip to Walmart wore me out. By the end, I was walking so slow and was getting so sluggish. Started having sharp pain in my back, but it went away. Then a few hours ago, I started having joint pains in my knees. It hurts pretty bad, so I've been trying to stay on my behind :)

That was my lovely day. I'm trying to stay positive and realize that I'm still alive and no doctors even got close to giving me a death sentence, so it could be a lot worse. And still no signs of nausea, I am so thankful to not be visiting my bathroom as I know a lot of people on chemo spend a lot of time there.

I guess I'm still upset over the fact that I might not have needed chemo. Like the oncologist told me before I even started, there's chance that I don't need it and that all the cancer is out of my body. I wish they had such test to find out if there is the tiniest cancer cell in your body, I hate putting my body through this wondering if it's even necessary, but for my husband's sake and my children, I'm not ready to go now, so I'll get through it and kill it all if there's any left :)