Wednesday, February 25, 2009


Today isn't such a great day. I'm tired! If you don't want to read about someone complaining, you might as well stop reading ;)

  • I'm tired, just plain tired and exhausted from the lack of sleep. I haven't really had a good night of sleep since I started chemo
  • I'm tired of dealing with cancer & chemo, and there's still radiations to come
  • I'm tired of dealing with a child that can't handle this situation by showing it in forms of tantrums & moodiness. I have had enough too, my patience & understanding is running low right now
  • I'm tired of my taste buds acting funny or just plain being gone. I want to taste & enjoy my food again
  • I'm tired of all the little aches & pains. I can't even empty my dishwasher without my hip starting to hurt or stand up for too long before my hip hurts
  • I'm tired of my constant bloody nose
  • I'm tired of the lymphedema in my foot. After 3.5 years, I FINALLY had it under control. My foot is back to being huge, maybe worst than it was before. The skin is tight, uncomfortable and it hurts
  • I'm tired of the fatigue
  • I'm tired of not having energy or desire to do much
  • I'm tired of gaining weight with every treatment due to the steroid. I've gained almost 5 lbs with each round of chemo, my clothes don't fit and I'm about ready to spend the next few months in sweat pants! I'm really being careful right now, I've cut down on my comfort milk shakes but the steroids are still doing their trick and I'm getting bigger by the minute :(
  • I'm tired of being stucked in my house, having to be careful about being near people JUST in case I get a bad infection. What a worse time to go through chemo than a bad Flu Season!
  • I'm tired of being a germ freak, this isn't me
  • I'm tired of not knowing what to expect, each treatment has acted differently so far
  • I'm tired of being poked by needles

I know! Lovely update! I'm just plain physically and emotionally exhausted right now. Maybe it's because I would already be done with chemo if I only had to do 4 treatments versus 6? I don't know, I really should just sit in front of a chick flick and get a good cry!


Renee said...

I am sending you a virtual hug!

I want to tell you that it DOES get better.

I can totally relate to everything you said in this post (except about the child . . mine are all grown and have their own now). And you have every right to be fed up with this journey and all that you have been through.

Take care of yourself and be easy on yourself. There IS light at the end of the tunnel . .and it's not the train coming the wrong way.

Hugs to you!


The Cebulas said...

Thanks Renee, I'm feeling MUCH better now. I went away this weekend, enjoyed myself, now back on track ready to tackle the rest!

ZAZÚ said...

Lâche-pas ma poupounne!!! Dans toutes les grandes luttes ya des moments où ont arrête de foncer et qu`on realise combien c´est exigeant de ne pas baisser les bras... mais justement, tu peux en arriver a être fatiguée de tout ca parceque jusqu´á maintenant tu as combatue... les personnes qui ne se battent pas n´ont pas la chance de sentir ces moments d´affaissement puisqu´ils ont tout simplement abandonnés depuis le début... Je suis trés fier de toi, tu es trés courageuse, et c´est trés bien de partager aussi les moments oú l´on en peut tout simplement plus... Je t´accompagne en pensées, et c´est bien peu x x x ta soeur qui t´aime

The Cebulas said...

Merci Isa, tes mots me touchent beaucoup et sont tres encourageant! je t'aime fort aussi xxx