Thursday, May 28, 2009

One More :)

I can't believe that tomorrow will be the end of my cancer treatment. That tomorrow I will be able to call myself an official cancer survivor. That is somewhat of a bitter-sweet title, I'm so thankful to have survived this disease, but then again, never in my wildest dreams did I ever thought I would be going through cancer in my lifetime, especially not at the age of 33!

I learn so much over the past few months. The night I found my lump (at 3:30AM I must say!) I cried all night thinking that I was going to die and couldn't keep my children off my mind feeling so sorry for them that they would have to grow up without a mommy. Remember, it was 3:30AM, I wasn't thinking very straight. After very little sleep, I found myself in front of the computer getting information about breast cancer. Very soon, I found out that about 80% of all tumor are non-cancer, so it put myself at ease until I could get a mammogram & ultrasound. The tests showed a cyst I was told but my breast surgeon quickly told me this was no cyst, she had to biopsy the tumor to be on the safe side but she was certain it was nothing and that I should worry. Well, the rest is history. All that was 9 months ago. I have NO idea where those 9 months went. It's all a blur, like a bad dream and I'm finally waking up. I was never in denial that I had cancer, but at the same time, I can't believe I just went through cancer treatment. I barely remember going through chemo! I'm feeling like this didn't happen to me, maybe it's my coping mechanism that erased it from my memory as soon as it happened, I don't know. But what I know is that I am so thankful that I had a cancer that was caught early and that was highly curable. I so thankful to be able to start enjoying life again with a brand new set of eyes.

Back to what I was saying, 9 months ago, I had no idea that so many people were or had been dealing with cancer. I had no idea that cancer is now curable, I always thought of it as a death sentence, hence my crying all night when the tumor was found. I had no idea that cancer treatment were actually not that bad. I might be one of the lucky ones less side effects than the rest, but now that it's over, I can say that it wasn't all that horrible, it wasn't fun, but I was expecting it to be A LOT worse than what it was. I had no idea that there is more and more younger people with cancer. I always thought of cancer as either an elderly disease (80+) or childhood disease like leukemia. Well, there is now a whole lot of ladies dealing with breast cancer in their 30's-40's now. Cancer isn't what is used to be. We shouldn't be scared of cancer anymore.

I probably won't sleep tonight, I'm just way to excited about tomorrow. Radiation at 11:30. At 11:35, I'll be able to put all this behind me :)

5 comments:

Roxanne said...

Yay!! I am soo excited for you. You did it! You have surely earned the title of survivor. Blessings to you!!

Holly said...

sleep, sleep, sweet sleep...dear one - you are a survivor now...

Sara Williams said...

I can identify with everything you say in your blog. I still have to pinch myself when I remember that we are in May, my mind seems to be stuck in January when I found my lump. I thought the same as you "I don't want to die, what about my children" I didn't realise how curable it is but how much of it there is too.

Good luck with your treatment end. You are a survivor, we all are!

Deborah said...

i'm so very, very happy for you!! your love of life really shines in your beautiful face and smile. i agree completely with your thoughts about the treatment time being a blur and also about not needing to fear cancer so much. it's all so amazing. much love to you. xoxo

Chantale said...

Je suis fiere de toi, Caro et tres heureuse que tu puisses enfin passer a autre chose; les oiseaux gazouillent, le beau temps revient, tes cheveux poussent, tu as une belle famille et des amis qui t'aiment fort; que de beaux jours qui s'annoncent devant toi!! XXX